Father's Day

Revealing the Lives of Black Fathers - The New York Times (nytimes.com) It's Father’s Day this Sunday. I am a blessed father and now a grandfather. I have two kids, a 30-year-old daughter and a 28-year-old son, who are sweet. They truly are. Writing this blog makes me reflect on fatherhood and who my father was.

The kids are grown now. I honestly don't think about Father’s Day until my wife, mother, or sister reminds me. I sometimes don't feel needed as much anymore. I saw my father struggle with feeling needed as I got older and became more independent. My spiritual practice informed me my kids' independence is not mine to own or define. It was tough for my father to balance how he perceived me with who I am. As I got older, I saw that I struggled at being more of what my father expected. I think my father saw me as weak; I cared too much about other people's feelings; I cared more about trying to bridge human decency gaps in our society than promoting my needs. My father (if he was alive) would not be happy with me writing a novel showing allyship to the gay, queer, and trans communities.

As I've matured, I understand now that my children are another opportunity to practice vulnerability. That possibility evaded my father. Father’s Day is an opportunity to cherish how our children and partners can make us better people.