Dating a Transgender Woman; Things You Need to Know
Dating a transgender woman is no different than dating someone else, but is that really the case? Each person is unique and has different preferences when it comes to dating. From personality to interests, people look at multiple aspects before choosing the one.
Navigating any relationship can be challenging, especially if you are new to the trans-dating world. Dating a trans person may seem complicated, but like every other relationship, YOU have to make it work if you really want to. Moreover, experiences vary from person to person, so it's good to learn things to help you start on the right foot and respect your partner's choices.
Love Knows No Bounds
You fall in love with personas, ideas, energy, souls, personalities, and not gender. Love isn't limited to two mainstream genders. Do not hesitate to fall completely and blindly in love with your partner regardless of how they identify themselves. Every individual deserves love, affection, and respect. It's a human right independent of gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status.
Stigma Surrounding Trans-Dating
There is still a lot of stigma around having trans partners. People question your sexuality, pass derogatory remarks, or simply question your love. Just know, it's not about them; it's your life, your preferences, and nobody gets a say in who you date. Just because you don't abide by social norms doesn't make you the odd one out. Everybody deserves love regardless of their sexual orientation.
Here are some things you need to know about dating a trans woman:
Respect Their Gender Identity
Use the name and pronouns they prefer as it plays a major role in their identity and self-worth. Not using their preferred pronouns mean disrespecting their gender identity. The first step towards acceptance and respect is to address them correctly.
Become an Ally
Educate yourself about the trans issues, their struggles, and the stigma surrounding them. Also, become an ally to not only show support to your partner but also the LGBTQ+ community.
Communicate Openly
Communicate your needs, boundaries, and expectations to them, and let them do the same. This help starts the relationship on the right foot and ensures no unrealistic expectations are set. Be patient with them and yourself; it may be a bumpy road, but what relationship isn't? As long as you and your partner feel respected and comfortable, you can pass any hurdle.
Be Curious, Not Invasive
Educate yourself about trans experiences but do not go asking around your partner everything that confuses you. Take a breath, trust the process, know they will share things, and explain whatever puzzles you when they're comfortable enough.
Provide Them With a Safe Environment
It's crucial for you to provide your partner with a safe environment where they can express themselves without the fear of judgment and feeling like an odd one out. Making sure your peers are not only nice to them but also respect their sexual orientation and gender specification and address them with their preferred pronouns.
Be There for Them
Regardless of what stage of transitioning they're in, support them nonetheless. They still may be going through turmoil due to all the stigma and lack of acceptance. Having someone to lean on is all they need. It will require you to be patient and understanding to make things comfortable for your trans partner.
Don't Treat Them Like a Fetish
Don't go on dates or approach a trans woman just to tick a fetish off your list. They're human, not novelty items. Avoid questions about their genitalia, and don't objectify them. It's insensitive, invasive, and a violation of their rights and privacy.
Facilitate Their Personal Growth
As partners, you should be contributing to each other's personal growth. There's a lot of stuff they deal with every day, which only hinders their personal growth by leaving them clueless about how to continue embracing their identity. Here's where you need to be there for them, support them, respect them, and help them cope. This is only possible once you realize your privileges in society simply by addressing yourself with what society considers "normal."
Respect Their Privacy
Every individual's privacy matters the most, and they have complete authority over who to let know of their personal matters, including sexual orientation. Don't force your partner to come out to the world if they haven't yet. Give them time and space to feel comfortable with their sexuality, especially if they are still transitioning, and support them.
Don't Overstep Their Sexual Boundaries
Respect their boundaries and consent, including their comfort over being touched a certain way or not, and also sexual activities they want to indulge in. Be there for them and understand them rather than making them feel bad or manipulating the situation. Moreover, if you feel uncomfortable with a situation, voice your concern and communicate.
Don't Ask Inappropriate Questions About Their Body
Don't start by asking them about their body and the changes they may or may not have made. They have full autonomy over their body and the right to discuss their bodies. Unless they're comfortable and ready to let you in, do not be invasive.
Don't Keep Them a Secret
Due to the stigma surrounding dating trans people, people often hide their relationships or don't fully embrace their partners in front of their peers. Own them loud and proud; love wins!
Don't Give Insensitive Compliments
Be mindful while complimenting your partner. Telling them you don't look 'Trans' or "I never would've thought you're a man" aren't compliments. They're insensitive and demeaning. Find other ways to compliment them just like you would adore others. Everything doesn't have to be different about being with a trans partner.
Final Words
All in all, experiences vary from person to person. We've tried our best to acknowledge all the factors that might impact your dating life with a trans woman. To read up more on the topic, read Cakewalk by Douglas Bell; the author narrates the story of a straight man who finds himself attracted to a trans woman and his experiences dating a trans woman while belonging to a conservative family.
